I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
