I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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