I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
