Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
