he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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