She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
