I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
