Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
