i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
