EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
