he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
