I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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