There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
