whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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