i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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