I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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