rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I am full of burrito and curiosity
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
