Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
