So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
