C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
