I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
