my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
