If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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