My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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