you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
