we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
