ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
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