i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
