best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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