is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
