So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
