That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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