I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
