I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
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I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
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I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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