But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Randomize
