plz talk dirty to me
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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