i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
