I'd wear matching sweaters with you
youre lurking in front of me
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
This is classic penis vs brain.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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