this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
