Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
