i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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