i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
