And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
