i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
my being single is dangerous.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
