The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
