dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
