Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
