Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
