Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
