I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
i drank out of a bidet.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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