He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
