she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize