She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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