hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
