I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
