We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
