isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
