We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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