she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
