you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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