When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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