Joe is yelling at the trees again.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
