I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
