Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
