i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
