When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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