Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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