I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Randomize
