Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
