He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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