I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
