He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
